10 Ways To Date A Perverted Monk
by Lady Casper-san
Summary: A small series of shorts with our favorite monk and slayer battling it out…with each other. [lemons]
1. How to Serve Food to a Perverted Monk

**10 Ways to Date a Perverted Monk**

**Rated: M (sexual content)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

**AN: A small series of shorts with our favorite monk and slayer battling it out…with each other.**

* * *

It had never occurred to her that it was going to be this difficult to cook a simple meal. 

With the weather being odd lately, Sango and Miroku had stayed where they were at a local campsite in the woods nearby Mount Fuji. Kagome and the others were currently waiting for them at Kaede's village while they had finished up a quick extermination for a nearby village.

Sango was busily rushing her spoon into the pot to turn the stew when she felt a familiar hand gracefully landing on her bottom as if it was meant to be there.

"Monk," she growled trying her hardest to keep her temper down as she'd been having high blood pressure lately, "if you don't take that hand away, you won't have a hand to return."

Quickly she felt a fleeting hand leaving her body and she sighed in relief. Personally, she didn't like beating him up, oh she enjoyed hitting him it was just it wore her out a lot and she just didn't see the point anymore.

Some days it was easier fighting demons than fighting off that hand of his.

"I still don't know why we couldn't stay at the village instead of spending it out in the dark woods?" Sango asked, internally laughing when she heard the flinch behind her.

"Yes well, uh apparently the men of the village," The monk started on his latest rant that had nothing but lies in it which Sango didn't wish to hear, again.

"…didn't want you near their women with wandering hands," Sango quickly finished as she pulled the spoon up with a small portion of stew to her mouth to taste.

She frowned and added a bit more herbs in and turned to find Miroku watching her carefully. Normally, she wouldn't have paid much mind considering the man stared at her bottom a lot and acted as if he'd never done such a sinful thing.

Sango however wasn't buying it for a second.

When she didn't feel his eyes leave her, she turned. "What?"

Miroku blinked giving her an innocent look of wonder. "Pardon?"

"Why do you keep staring at me?"

The monk gave a small smile that did little to help her understand any of it, if anything simply baffled her more.

"Do you really believe me to be such a lecherous?" With total seriousness in his voice, Sango was beyond baffled.

She checked again to see if there were any hidden agenda's in the question but found nothing but brute honesty. He must have been playing with her.

"You're kidding me right?" When she found the monk lose his smile completely and that said it all. He wasn't playing a joke. He was dead a pan serious. "Miroku, you're…you can be a bit of lecher when ever a pretty girl pops up. It's something all of us come to know about you."

"So then what does that make you considering I want to wed you?" Miroku asked, while he massaged the hand that held the wind tunnel. "It's a habit of mine that's become quite hard to break. Every since I can remember, I've searched for someone to bear me an heir if I ever failed to kill Naraku. The fact that a monster, like Naraku could walk about the Earth, placing curses such as this on others; it fueled my pursuit and possible heir."

Well, that scenario had never come into play in her mind about the monk's ritual of groping, fondling and asking for an heir of every pretty woman.

But she knew that if Naraku isn't beaten in time, Miroku's line would die out with him.

"The stew is boiling over."

Sango came back out of her reverie to the monk pointing just behind her.

With his words registering in her mind, she turned to find that her stew had in fact started to boil over the sides. Damn it all! Why did she have such bad luck with food where Kagome had a knack for making food without any mess ups?

Just once she would greatly appreciate one thing that tasted good that she had made herself.

Taking the holder, Sango took the pot off the fire and put it to the side with a huff.

This was all Miroku's fault.

"Sorry I distracted you," She heard him apologize as she started to ramble on about never being able to concentrate on her cooking with monk's asking the weirdest questions.

Miroku chuckled as he watched Sango squeak when she nearly dropped another pot they'd brought in their equipment on her foot.

She was definitely entertaining to watch.

Even being a demon slayer, Sango was very much still a human woman who had a personality under all that armor of demon slaying.

He quickly caught her hand from accidentally touching the hot pot that still had the stew in it and pulled her back. "Calm down, it's alright. Besides, stew isn't my favorite food anyway."

Sango huffed again, blowing hair from her eyes as she tried not to think of Miroku's hands winding around her waist. Wait…they weren't on her bottom?

For once the man finally didn't touch her inappropriately! "Oh? And what makes you think I made the stew for you?"

Miroku laughed as he nuzzled his face against her neck, making her gasp. "A lucky guess I suppose."

Kissing her bare skin, he felt her shiver at his lips against her. It felt strangely satisfying to have her react to him like that.

Finding it hard to resist, he did it again and Sango shivered once more.

Miroku felt something groping his thigh and looked to find Sango groping him through his robes. Her hand fumbled as if looking for something to grasp.

Pulling back, the monk watched as the slayer's eyes opened and a blush heated her cheeks.

"Oh, Gods."

"No, oh Miroku is the correct name."

She glared at him under her long lashes as she tried to scurry back to cooking. Her hand reached for the pile that held their vegetable supply and started chopping them and throwing them into the extra pot. "You're not funny, monk."

Miroku watched as she added more water to the pot and mixed herbs in. Her fingers quickly made of the meat and once again another pot was placed over top of the fire. Sighing, Sango wiped the back of her hand across her forehead and sat down.

She may make mistakes but cooking seemed to always diffuse her stress. Miroku came and sat beside her, watching the pot and then turning toward Sango. His eyes looked as they were trying to tell her something but she couldn't really concentrate with his leg brushing up against hers. Why couldn't she get any air? Was he torturing her on purpose? She caught from the corner of her eye his movement towards her and froze.

Miroku leaned over her, reaching his hand into the bag of salt. He pinched a good amount between his forefinger and thumb before pulling away from Sango's direction and threw the salt into the pot. "It helps it not boil away."

"Since when you do you know how to cook?" Sango asked once she realized what he had done. There was an unmistakable feeling of disappointment in her, but she pushed it back, not wanting to give it any notice.

Miroku lightly brushed his hands together, knocking away the remaining salt from his hand.

"Well, when you live with a drunkard like old Mushin, you tend to pick up ways of cooking. Otherwise I'd have starved to death or went broke from going out so much for food."

For some reason, Sango could never have pictured her monk a cook.

"I see. So maybe you can show me how not burn, over cook, or wash away the taste from my food." The slayer chuckled when Miroku gave her a cheesy grin that only Miroku could give.

It was odd, but Sango started to notice how he acted when around others but how differently he was with her. He seemed at ease when around her and something swelled inside with pride for that. Miroku had been there countless times when she needed some to talk and number of occasions helped her grieve with her slave ridden brother. Miroku, somehow, always seemed there for her since the day they met.

And there it was.

Sango was happy to simply be around the perverted monk, even when he couldn't keep his hands to himself. There were times she would wait for that damn hand of his to touch her so she could simply turn around and yell at him. She needed the contact; his attention.

A hand touched her cheek, turning her face to look into the deep blue eyes of the monk.

"I think we can worry about food later," With his other hand, Miroku pulled the woman in for a profound kiss that even made him shiver.

"Miroku," She whispered against his lips as he started in on her neck again. Leaving nips and kisses along her neckline, he brushed her kimono out of the way to lightly massage her breast inside and tease her nipple as he did with the salt.

Sango found herself moaning and couldn't stop, it was too much and her mind was overloaded with what Miroku was creating inside her body. She never felt anything like it as Miroku started to lower the rest of her kimono down, filling his hand with her pale orb.

He loved the feel of her skin against his, the way she moaned his name as he fondled her breasts. An idea poked into his head and Miroku smirked as he bent down toward her breast.

The woman's eyes snapped open as she felt something warm and hot envelope over her nipple. Glancing down, she watched as Miroku's head bobbed, sucking her nipple between his teeth. She couldn't help but become aroused by the sight.

Calloused fingers smooth down across her stomach, leaving goose bumps in its wake. Her lips trembled. "Miroku, we can't. The food and what if someone hears us?" Miroku kissed her navel, sending her thoughts bouncing about. She couldn't concentrate.

"I doubt anyone is out here," Miroku murmured when he noticed a spot he hadn't kissed. The slayer started to laugh when she felt his lips lightly graze her hip. "And I found something more delicious than food."

"Miroku stop that! It tickles. Miroku!" She could feel him laughing against her skin until he tenderly nibbled on her hip before venturing down into her lap.

The monk pulled back and unfastened the rest of her kimono then pushed her body down onto the ground as he placed himself in between her legs. Sango could already feel his erection pressed firmly against her and she gulped. They had slept together before, but not out in the open where who knows what could come walking in on them. She almost started to get back up when she felt something touch her lower region. Miroku placed his mouth against her folds, teasing them with his tongue as he felt Sango shudder.

It was a brilliant idea to toy with her until she was a total mess but if he didn't hurry, he wasn't sure if he would make it. Pressing his mouth to her folds, he started to work her, probing her with his tongue as he flicked it around and hit her clit. She gasped and moaned grabbing the ground, dirt clods forming under her nails as she tried her hardest not to scream.

Using his forefinger and thumb, Miroku pinched the hood of her nether lips. Sango couldn't stop the scream as it forced its way from her soul and out her throat as she came.

Licking her sweet juices, Miroku pulled himself up and disrobed. His cock felt like it would explode. He hoisted Sango's legs up over his shoulders before plummeting deep inside her.

Sango arched her back, her chest rising up as Miroku started to work his hips against hers. Beads of sweat started to trickle down his temples as they continued to push in and out. Miroku let her legs fall from his shoulders and place them under his arms as Sango wrapped hers around his abdomen.

All too soon, Miroku heard Sango scream his name as he felt her walls tighten around him and soon he followed after her. They collapsed on the ground.

"If that's how you teach cooking a stew, I'd love to know how you teach cooking a whole dinner." Sango panted then laughed when Miroku was surprised by her hidden compliment.

"I'd prefer you over food though Sango." He chuckled when Sango's face lit up with a blush. The monk bent down and kissed his fiancé's lips. Yep, he could definitely get used to this.

Sango meanwhile was trying to figure out what in the world they were actually going to eat as she caught sight of the stew once again boiling over the side of the pot.

At this rate, they'd go hungry.

_fin_


	2. How to Spend Quality Time

**10 Ways to Date A Perverted Monk**

Yep! It's that time again!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha!

**Rated: M (sexual situations and future actions)**

**o**

**Chapter 2 -How to Spend Quality Time with a Perverted Monk**

It hadn't been the first time they were left alone together. There were many times that the unruly pair of the hanyou and miko went through to the other side of the well left plenty of time for her and the monk. With Shippou constantly running around playing with the village children or drawing in the meadow, it wasn't like she hadn't had a run in with the monk alone before. It was actually quite frequent.

The problem was finding something to do with that time.

Sitting across from the silent monk, Sango watched as he took deep calculated breathes. With every inhale, he eased it in before bringing energy to blow it back out. It was starting to bother her with all the sucking noises he was making and then his not so pleasant humming when he was "meditating" which had a lot to do with his eyes watching carefully at her backside as she worked on breaking more firewood for Kaede.

When she finally noticed what he was doing, he ended up having a few splinters here and there on his face from where he was hit with a flying chunk of wood.

Miroku took another breath, igniting yet another irritation throughout Sango's skin before an eye cracked open. "Is there something the matter?"

Giving him a glare, Sango turned her head away. "What makes you think there is something wrong?"

She heard movements and found Miroku uncrossing his legs and relaxing his body as he watched her. "Maybe perhaps that you've been tearing out the grass all around you since you sat down?"

Sango looked down to find blankets of blades pulled out from the ground ringed around her like a marking of destruction she'd caused through frustration. Oops.

Wiping her now green stained hands on her kimono, Sango looked back to find the monk still looking at her with concern. "I uh, just am a little bored I guess."

A dark eyebrow went up at that. "A little you say? Will that be a good enough answer to when Kaede finds her grounds naked of any life?"

That did it. "Since when do you get to dictate to me? You're the one sitting here looking like a fish as you 'meditate'" Sango rose a hand up, "I mean seriously. You must be bored."

The monk sat there in silence eyeing her before picking himself up off the ground and walking away from Kaede's village. Sango quickly stood and followed him though she wasn't too keen on not knowing exactly where she was going. "Miroku!"

He didn't stop or even turn around to acknowledge her call. Instead he continued to walk, passing the tree of ages and straight into the forest. Sango couldn't help but huff at his jerky attitude. All she wanted to know was if he was getting bored and to let him know she was quite bored. Geez, he'd have thought being a lecher that she was dropping small hints to him to do something with her. Gods, she would have let him teach her about sutras if it would ease the boredom in her.

Kicking at a few stones that had been laid out in front of her walking path, Sango let out an aggravated huff letting the monk know she was pissed. And then her face collided into a strong back.

Miroku had stopped.

Peering around him, she noticed a flowing stream of water that looked inviting. She glanced up to find Miroku already disrobing, making her mouth drop to the ground. "W-what are you doing?" She unintentionally squeaked.

Miroku actually gave her an innocent look like she should have known the answer to that. "Taking a swim, what does it look like?"

Red seeped into her skin. "Yes! I can see that! But could you at least keep you're clothes on!" Her body was on fire and it scared her that it wasn't anger that made her heated.

Miroku tilted his head sideways. "That would defeat the purpose of going into the water. Besides I prefer to swim in the nude." Without another word to woman whose jaw had now dropped to the ground, he wadded into the cool waters and laughed. "Sango, come join me. This feels amazing."

If he thought she'd catch flies with her mouth that far open, he had no doubt she would when it just about slammed into the Earth at that last request.

There was humor in his eyes as he watched her quickly compile her features when she caught sight of him examining her.

She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. "Like hell I'd get into the water with a perverted monk who can't keep his hands to himself."

Sounds of splashing could be heard behind her and soon curiosity won out and she took a peek over her shoulder. If she thought her jaw had hit the earth hard, it most likely traveled to the core of the world in a split second.

There standing up out of the water at knee length near the edge where she stood, was a very naked man whose hands were inching close to her waist. Not having a chance to actually react, he snagged her and pulled her into the water, her back colliding into his chest as they fell in, water washing over their heads.

Sango panicked, breaking free from his hold on her and broke to the surface. The monk was behind her, watching with glee as she pushed back numerous wet strands of hair from her eyes and turned to glare at him. "You jerk! Why the hell did you do that?"

Miroku smiled, his blue eyes twinkling with mirth. All of a sudden, her hand had inclining to slam itself into that pretty face of his.

"Well I knew you wouldn't get in because for one you're too stubborn and another you were scared of a little skin being shown." At the last part, Miroku showed that bit of skin to her as he brushed his chiseled wet chest near her, making her face burn as bright as bright tomato.

"I-I was not - I mean am not scared of - would you back up some?" She rambled and backed a few feet away herself. More red flushed her cheeks when the monk ventured after her.

"You're the one who wanted something to do. Now we have something and you're back out?"

A dark eyebrow rose up on his handsome face and Sango glared.

"It's kind of hard to back out of something when I don't even know what that something is."

She snapped, her eyes shooting daggers at the impervious monk.

He simply deflected them by flashing his famous smile that had her knees weak. What the hell was with this man and her knees anyway? Growls erupted through her throat as she hastily tried to get out of the water when she turned around to find the monk not stopping her. Now that wasn't exactly what she expected. It definitely wasn't what she was hoping.

"What?" He asked, calmly while his fingers swished about the water. Sango glanced down at the cool water, contemplating when an idea formed in her head.

The next thing Miroku knew, water was being spewed at him from every angle. The little vixen had twisted her body around so her legs could kick at the water, sending gallons of it in his direction. Trying to block the water from his eyes and mouth, Miroku lunged forward, attacking the motor behind all of it who yelped as they went under again.

Sango playfully kicked and swung her arms about, trying to keep herself from getting caught. More water swished about, her legs straining each muscle to kick up to get air from the surface.

Miroku was no where in sight.

Taking a deep breath of air, Sango looked about trying to the spy the naked monk but to no avail. There was no one around in the water that she could see from above. She dove under a few times trying to make out a body but the water current was blocking her view from anything farther from her face. That was when she felt it.

A hand had made its way about her and pulled at the tie that held her kimono together. The bottom started to pool about her body, floating around her like a flag warning that she was nude. Her front stayed on, though barely as it flapped around the front with all the water pulling in and around her.

Sango broke to the surface again as she screeched in – not embarrassment- but defeat.

The monk stood no more than a few feet away, a cheesy smile on his lips. He was proud at what he done?

Mumbling a few in coherent curses, Sango wadded forward and was getting ready to strike as she felt blow against her chest.

"You lose something there Sango?" A voice called to her and she turned around, beet red at the silver haired hanyou giving her a curious look.

Miroku laughed making her eyes turn toward him just before they skimmed down and caught sight of her chest – bare chest. The white yukata sat, barely on her shoulders as it gaped open to reveal her breasts.

"Shit!" She yelped in unison to someone yelling "sit".

The monk was going to pay!

fin


	3. How To Get Revenge on a Perverted Monk

**10 Ways to Date a Perverted Monk**

**Rated: M (sexual content)**

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

**AN: A small series of shorts with our favorite monk and slayer battling it out…with each other.**

**O**

**Chapter 3 – How to Get Revenge on A Perverted Monk**

Night finally came after a long wait.

She watched carefully, hidden beneath a thicket of bushes as the monk yawned and turned over on his side, slumber already starting to take a hold.

Perfect.

The little herb Kaede had given her had worked. Now all she had to do was give it a few moments while it flowed into his system and kept him out like a light so she could continue with her scheme.

This time, the monk was going to get what he deserved.

Carefully, she hoisted the small bag that she received from Kagome after hearing her plans and went toward the small lake residing near their campsite. On cue, she heard Kagome yawn and talk briefly with the hanyou who was sitting up in usual spot – the highest tree near them.

Sango was grateful the girl was helping her with this one. After the whole incident with finding Sango nude and Miroku miraculously standing in the water with his robes _on_, Kagome wanted nothing more than to help get her revenge. And right then, the girl whined that she'd lost something further out into the woods and wanted to go look for it before she went to sleep.

A few rants came from the hanyou but he quickly fell into step with Kagome as she made her way into the woods.

'Nicely done,' Sango praised her female friend. Now all that was left was to deal with the monk, thoroughly.

As their voices grew faint, Sango poked her head through the bush, eyes switching back and forth between the monk's back and the path her friends had taken.

Confident that nothing would blow up in her face, she quickly ran and placed a small bottle by Miroku. Still as a board, a mumble escaped his mouth as he continued to sleep. Two more bottles were placed near the monk as Sango dipped down and pulled the blankets from his body. Instantly he shivered and the Taijiya held her breath until nothing happened. Gods, did that give her a near – what did Kagome call it? Oh! Heart attack!

Opening up one of the bottles, she couldn't stop her smirk as a gooey substance started to pour down on Miroku's front. She finished the container, then moved to another, this with a powdery substance. When she opened it, a cloud of puff drifted up, almost making her sneeze. Once she was finished patting that into the robes until the powder dissolved, the last container Sango held to her lips – taking a quick sip and leaned down. Her lips pressed against Miroku's as she let the liquid passed into his mouth. Slowly Miroku moaned, starting to stir. Sneaking the bottles out of view by covering a patch of leaves over them, Sango watched as violet eyes widened with surprise as he noticed her straddling his waist.

"Hello handsome," She purred.

An eyebrow winged as Miroku tried to sit up, only to have Sango knock him back down. "Where exactly do you think your going my houshi?"

Now there was total confusion written on the man's face. "S-Sango, what are you doing?"

Flicking her eyes away, a tinted blush covered her cheeks before her eyes turned back to him. "Giving you exactly what you deserve." Her lips suddenly came down on his, there was no time to breathe, think, anything! Arms wrapped about his shoulders, holding him in place as Sango maneuvered her mouth over his, again and again. When she finally let up he was breathless. But it seemed she wasn't finished.

Her fingers trailed along his neck, the tips grazing against skin. Miroku inwardly gulped, trying his hardest not to allow his nerves to show in front of her. What was she doing? She licked from the back of an ear down to his neck, making him shudder. And where the hell had she learned to do that?

Meanwhile her fingers were busily groping him everywhere. When he glanced down, his eyes widened larger as he noticed his robes had been pushed up over his knees, and Sango's kimono was parted open. His eyes greedily drank in the sight of her. Dear Gods, was that her –

Sango kissed the corner of his mouth, drawling him back in. "Miroku, I'm very hot. Are you?"

Without waiting for his answer, her hand sought it out herself. Her fingers wedged in between his thighs, seeking out his length. That was until a pout on Sango's lips made his heart skip.

"What?" He asked, as Sango started to disentangle herself from him. She continued to pout as her eyes wanted to water. Miroku's heart faltered even more as she drew farther away from him. "Tell me, what is the matter?" But even as he asked the question, his eyes drew down to the apex of his legs to find – nothing! What the fuck? Why wasn't he hard as hell?

Gulping down frustration and embarrassment, he found the woman pulling her robes together as her eyes radiated sympathy and disappointment. No no! That was the worst of all. Yell, scream. Don't give sympathy! For Buddha's sake, why didn't she just smack him unconscious?

"I see, well. We can always try…another time. In the future, maybe when your" Sango frowned as she glanced down at the monk's lap "capable."

Dread welled up, making him sick. "Wait! I'm capable. It's just, that I uh," What was the reason that wasn't working? It worked fine yesterday! "I don't know but-"

The sound of voices filtered the woods as the hanyou and miko made their way back. "I swear it was out there Inuyasha!" Kagome whined, though Sango could tell it was nicely played. The hanyou grumbled but his eyes weren't truly worried as they were strayed towards the uniform skirt.

Kagome's attention quickly snapped toward the Tayiji's, well aware of the audience. "Oh Sango! Did we wake you?"

The miko truly was an actress.

Both women turned their eyes toward the monk whose face paled. "Miroku, did we wake you?" This time, Sango detected the faint crack of amusement in the woman's voice.

Sango sighed. "No. You didn't disturb us. Miroku seems to be having some issues." The hanyou at hearing that rose his brow.

"Issues?"

The Taijiya nodded. Miroku looked as though he wanted to bury his head into the ground and hope someone would run him over and put him out of his misery. "Oooh," Kagome nodded in understanding then turned to the hanyou and whispered a little loud, "Male Issues."

Amber eyes flickered toward the monk, his mouth hanging open. "What?"

Miroku pulled down his robes to his ankles, thoroughly disgusted with the scene. "I can explain." No he couldn't. "Well, not really. But there must be," must be what, he thought?

The Taijiya dipped down to his eye level. "We understand. Some guys just can't fully function like others. Right Kagome?" At hearing the question for confirmation directed at the supposedly most innocent one out of the group, both men glued their eyes to hers. She nodded.

"Yes, it's a medical condition that my time has discovered." Miroku gulped.

"I-is it curable?" Why was his voice quivering?

Kagome crossed her arms, hugging her chest as she feigned thinking then said. "No, all men are doomed."

Second after second ticked on in a wave of panic. What? Doomed?

Sango's mouth quirked; her eyes trying to remain impassive flickered with amusement.

"Sango?"

Both women no longer could hold it – they laughed.

The hanyou meanwhile shook his head. Poor bastard.

Luckily, he'd been pleased with a demon's stamina. Miroku paled as he made an attempt at standing to try and get away from the laughing when his hand brushed along something in a pile of leaves.

Bottles?

Miroku growled as he knew what those substances did to a male when combined. Oh, they were going to pay.

Especially his little Sango.

tbc


	4. How To Get Away from a Perverted Monk

**10 Ways to Date a Perverted Monk**

**Rated: M (sexual content)**

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

**AN: A small series of shorts with our favorite monk and slayer battling it out…with each other.**

**O**

**Chapter 4 – How to Get Away from a Perverted Monk**

The loud growl flowed out deep within the cave as it echoed out, causing birds in flight to collide with fear.

Sango frowned.

Damn, she was a lot hungrier then she had thought.

She was starting to realize how stupid it was to run out on breakfast this morning. Kagome had even said about it being important to eat but did she listen? No. There were demons on the loose, killing villagers' stock. Sango rolled her eyes thinking back at how arrogant she sounded even to herself.

And it wasn't helping any that four feet away from her, leaning against the other side of the cave sat the monk in his dark purple robes, completely absent to her presence as his mouth wrapped around a rice ball that he had secretly hidden.

He was so absorbed in the ball that he barely registered her eying the morsel with want.

Gods, he was screwing with her!

Licking his fingers, he finished the rice ball, never once allowing his eyes to waver in her direction.

And it was eating away at her nerves for the past week.

After the embarrassment he'd suffered when she had pulled her plan on him, things had been…off.

It was one thing to be a little pissed off at her revenge attack, but this – okay, maybe a bit more than pissed but still.

He was torturing her. Days went by after that night where he wouldn't even glance in her direction. Strangely though he didn't hit on other women, which she thought for sure would be his way to become even.

Instead, he would maybe give a pretty girl a smile or a simple wave. No groping, cheesy pick up lines of bearing his children – nothing.

Strangely it pissed her off more that he wasn't saying those things to her. It was as if she missed those wandering hands that ominously found their way to her backside.

With a grunt, she picked up a rock and tossed it across the cave. It ricocheted off the stone wall and clunked the monk in the head, hard.

"Ow!"

A prideful smirk pulled at her lips as she crossed her legs and leaned her head back. Good, he deserved it after eating a rice cake in front of her like that.

"Watch where you aim woman." He grumbled, almost causing her to double look to make sure that it was in fact the monk and not the usual irritated hanyou.

"Maybe I would if you weren't being such a jerk!" They both huffed and faced opposite directions. Sango actually paused. 'Gods were turning into Inuyasha and Kagome!'

Peeking over her shoulder, she noticed Miroku's shoulder tensed. He wasn't happy. Not that she expected him to be but she seriously thought he wouldn't be this hung up. It had only been Inuyasha and Kagome who'd walked in on them; it wasn't like she had broadcasted it to the world or anything.

The monk shrugged, causing the Taijiya the confusion until she watched as he stood and straightened.

"Where are you" The words were cut off from the woman's mouth as another mouth was blocking any more thoughts to pass through. "Mmirowku?"

Making quick work of her clothing, the black slayer suit was pushed back so that a hand could slip down between her thighs. Immediately Sango squeaked as Miroku nipped at her neck, causing her to loll backward as he pressed a finger to her center. She was soaking wet, already wanting him. He smirked.

Agilely, he slipped the digit inside, feeling the muscles twitch. She wanted attention.

Now she was going to get it – whether she liked it or not.

Sango squirmed, only causing more friction against her nether lips. Gods, what the hell was he trying to do? "Miroku…" She whispered, but it was muffled once more when his lips claimed hers, sealing off her words tightly. So he didn't wish her to talk?

Miroku brought his other hand up to her clothed orbs and pinched one nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Immediately Sango cried out, her eyes squeezing shut as trickles of tears slipped down her cheeks.

Spinning his finger in a circular motion, he was rewarded with a soft mewl as Sango rose her hips, trying to thrust against his palm.

Oh no, she wasn't going to receive a reward, not while he was punishing her. Pressing his hand to her thigh, his finger sat just outside her center, waiting. When Sango growled out in frustration and tried to rub her thighs together, Miroku stilled her motions. She growled even louder.

"Miroku! Damn it, stop teasing me!" She tried to knock the restraints but his hands would not budge.

He simply ignored her, taking his hand away and sitting back with a calm face. Sango however panted, brushing her fussed up hair back from her eyes as she eyed him with suspicion. What was he up to?

"Are you just going to stop?" She asked after he seemed he would make no move to continue what they were doing. He simply crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, looking bored with the conversation. "Miroku?"

An eye cracked open and she felt herself frozen to the spot. "You're far from forgiven. If you so wish me to not pleasure you – then I won't."

She stuttered. "I never said I didn't want you to"

"Actions speak louder then words, Sango. You of all people should know this."

Her mouth couldn't seem to form words at what he was saying. He didn't want her any longer? Or he thought she didn't want him.

"Miroku," She whispered, but he stood, bringing her to follow his actions as he left the cave.

"We can leave now. It sounds like the demon smelled something more interesting then the live stock."

"What?"

Just then the cave shook, causing her body to gyrate as she tried to stand. "What the hell is that?"

"The demon." A gravely voice answered, his lips sneering in pleasure at seeing Sango, clothes mused up and looking like she just had a good sexing. "Ah, so this is what I smelled."

Her hand went to reach for her weapon and her heart stilled as it came up short. Shit, it was across from her. Too far away for her to get and still be able to use it before the demon attacked. A move caught the corner of her eye and they widened when there was sneer on the monk's face as he ripped open the wind tunnel. The demon screeched, trying to claw at anything to hold on for dear life but met the end of the wind tunnel. Miroku quickly sealed his hand away, the rosary beads slipping over one finger as he readjusted the robe's sleeve.

"Were done here."

Mouth open, Sango finally felt the tick of anger when realization ignited. "You used me to get the demon out?!"

Her hand connected to his face, welting a red mark. Miroku didn't flinch and merely grabbed at her hands when she made another attempt at slapping him. Pulling her flushed body to his, he crushed her up against the cave's wall and claimed her lips in such a heated kiss she barely could think or breathe.

"Y-you bastard," She breathed, her voice hitching as she tried to get air to her burning lungs. Miroku didn't give his usual smirk and instead worked a path down her neck, roughly grabbing at her chest.

"And you, dear Sango need to learn what it really means to be punished."

Something in the pit of her stomach knotted as her body heated and her lower region wet with anticipation.

Dear Gods what had she gotten herself into?

Miroku pinched a nipple between his forefinger and thumb and she groaned.

"Trouble," She gasped to no one but Miroku kissed her lips and answered 'yes.'

tbc


	5. How to Deal with a Perverted Monk

**10 Ways to Date a Perverted Monk**

**Rated: M (sexual content)**

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

**AN: A small series of shorts with our favorite monk and slayer battling it out…with each other.**

**_O_**

**Chapter 5 – How to Deal with a Perverted Monk**

She couldn't breathe, couldn't think.

The touch of Miroku's hand grazing up her thigh brought her back to the present, and back to the situation at hand.

"Miroku, we can't do this." Sango pushed at his shoulder, but he didn't budge and she felt his hand travel farther up until it rested at her hip. "Miroku," this time it was a warning.

She remained quiet and he had stilled his advances, his breath coating her skin, raising goose bumps down her arms and legs.

"What is the matter?" He finally asked, his blue irises observing her with confusion.

She balked, "You! You are the problem. First you act as though I'm simply a womb to fill and then ignore me and now this?" She knocked him off and stood up. "You're a jerk!"

Miroku's brow rose. "If I remember correctly, it was you who decided to plant a deceitful lie above my head and you're appalled that I didn't wish to speak with you?" He crossed his arms and nodded his head toward her. "Tell me, if I had been out to disgrace you, would you speak to me afterwards?"

Opening her mouth to reply it became dry as no words wished to form in her defense.

"You…I…" She growled, "It was you're fault from the beginning. First with teasing me, then with all your flirting with other girls and then you allowed another man to see me naked! But you're upset because I finally achieved revenge? Peh. You're pathetic!" She rose up then, kicking at his leg before storming out of the cave. How dare he!

She wanted to smack him into kingdom come but couldn't find the will to break his face along with her hand.

"Sango…"

Oh, now he wanted to make nice? Ha! Sango kept going until an arm around her waist pulled her back, pulling her up against a hard muscled chest.

She kicked and clawed at the arm holding her.

"Let go of me, right now! Damn it, Miroku!" A hand covered her lips, muffling her rant as a whisper tickled her ear, making a shiver run down her spine.

"Be quiet." It was a warning…but from what?

Sango turned her eyes out toward the fields only to spot another demon much like the one Miroku had sucked up. So there had been more then one?

"Don't make any rash moves or he'll spot us." Miroku warned, dropping his hand away from her mouth.

She wanted to snip back that she, a professional, knew what to do but held her tongue.

Last thing needed was a red skinned boil looking demon's attention directed at her…again. Not while she had to deal with a certain monk.

Slowly they stepped back as a green eye looked about, trying to find the smell that brought it here. Great, it was her scent that he followed.

Sango bit her bottom lip and did something she didn't think in her. Turning around, she pressed herself fully on to Miroku. Angry at him, yes but no matter what she preferred him over any man or demon. "You're lucky I love you so much," She grumbled, making Miroku's eyes narrow with confusion.

"What?" He whispered back and jumped when Sango's hands sunk deep within the dark purple and black robes to grasp his manhood.

"I need you're scent on me. He's following my…arousal…" She mumbled the rest out so quietly, Miroku had to strain to hear her, but he managed.

He wanted to smirk but knew it wasn't a good idea with the way things were going. Sango pushed open his robes and pushed him back inside the cave, careful not to uproot any rocks along the way. When she was sure they weren't spotted, Sango quickly undressed, tossing her hair out from its confinement and pushed apart Miroku's legs.

"Hurry," She hissed when Miroku didn't budge. He knew what she was asking; unfortunately it came for all the wrong reasons.

"I can't."

Sango stilled her hands from trying to maneuver herself over him, her body going cold.

He didn't want her.

"What?"

Pressing a hand to her cheek, he lightly brushed her slightly swollen lips and sighed. "I can't simply make love to you when you do not desire it."

Oh Gods.

"Miroku, this really isn't the time or place to be speaking of this…" The sound of twigs snapping under foot caused her heart to leap. Damn it! The Demon must have caught her scent again when she undressed.

Miroku's hand brushed down her bare shoulder, pressing lightly into her hair until she felt herself pushed up against him, his mouth against hers so suddenly. She didn't know what to do. Except allow him entrance.

"I love you." He whispered, his mouth tasting every inch of her lips, chin, jaw. He edged about toward her earlobe and she shuddered, immediately she could feel herself wet with need, desire for him. The monk was insane to ever think she didn't want him.

A looming silence fell over the couple as a shadow blocked out the sun, blanketing them in darkness. Sango stilled her breath, eyes wide.

Shit. They were too slow to act and now the demon caught her scent. Not that she couldn't handle her own when facing demons…but these types seemed to ooze when you tried to dismembered them. She cringed at the memory of when she faced them as a young girl with her father and fellow slayers. It had taken weeks to get rid of the green slime from her armor and clothing and one week alone to completely get it free from her hair.

Something touched the small of her back, pressing her further into the monk's body in a possessive manner. Frowning, she felt Miroku shift his arms tightly about her waist, covering her nude form from any sight seers and closed his eyes. 'Miroku?' She watched as sweat beaded his brow and he took a deep breath. Soon the sound of something snapping made her jump and her thigh rubbed up against his shaft.

"What was that?" She breathed, her eyes panicked.

Miroku sat up, a smirk adorning his seductive face and waved a hand toward the mouth of the cave. "Barrier. He can't hear, see, or smell either of us now."

"I didn't know you could do that."

He shrugged, "It has been awhile since I've used it but, I figured it would work."

She tilted her head and then her eyes narrowed on him as something caught her notice. "Why didn't you use it earlier then when they were hunting us?"

Miroku pulled at her hip, bringing her back down into his lap. "Though it's effective, its also rather draining. I only use it in dire situations. Once while at Mushin's when he'd been possessed by a demon…you recall?"

She nodded. At the time, she had still been working through her emotions toward the monk and when she heard word that he could be dead, it caused her heart to realize the truth of him. Later on she would come to understand it to be love. "I do."

Rubbing his hand in a circular motion along the path of her back, he pushed out his robes on the ground and gently placed her backside in the middle of them. "If it hadn't been for you and the others showing up, that would have eventually done me in since I could only keep it up for a short time."

Sango bowed her head. "I didn't mean to disgrace you…I just wanted…to get even for once. Nothing ever seems to bother you. When you let Inuyasha see me…it was almost as if I were being shown off like some little trophy you managed to seize."

Miroku leaned down; his lips brushed hers as his hands lightly touched the center of her chest, her heart beating against the contact.

"Never, do I see you as a show of manliness. Sango, you are the first and only woman I've sought after for another reason other to bear me an heir."

She frowned. "I don't follow. You don't want me to bear you a son?"

A smile crossed his lips. "No."

When confusion puckered her brow, he gave a soft chuckle, only pissing her off further. My, he truly had a wild one on his hands and he couldn't have been happier.

"No, I don't want you to bear me a son…only."

The slayer twisted her lips in a pout. "You're really annoying me with the cryptic talk."

Miroku laughed and she slapped him on his arm. "Alright. What I'm saying is I didn't seek after you simply to find an heir to take over my family's mission to destroy Naraku."

"Then why did you seek me?"

"Because I love you. Because I want to marry you, grow old with you, love you until every inch of you has been covered with me and then do it over and over again. And I don't just wish one son, but many children. Many to show the love we share dear Sango."

Sango turned her head away so quickly, he would have thought she had whiplash. "Sango?"

She quivered but didn't look back to him. "Sango are you alright?" He grabbed her chin and pivoted her head to face him when the sight of tears burned his eyes. "Sango, dearest, why are you crying?"

She sniffled, gave a growl at how awful she must look to him and spoke "Because for a perverted monk, you sure know how to make me feel like you care with those words of yours." Now if only he convey it in actions.

A genuine smile lit his face up so brightly, she blinked in surprise. Sure he smiled, but never with so much emotion behind it. "Because I do and even with my words it's just as hard to convey my feelings for you." He kissed the tears away, which not only surprised her but then gave an unexpected kiss that had her breathless.

"Okay, you definitely have my attention now." She choked out once they broke apart to quench their lungs with much needed air. "So tell me why you did that back when you allowed Inuyasha to see me nude?"

He sighed. "I don't know. Sometimes when I'm with you Sango, it seems like I have to compete with you to get you to notice me."

"Compete with me?"

Miroku lovingly brushed the strands of dark silk hair from her face as his knuckles grazed her cheek. "There are times when I think you want nothing to do with me. When you wish I never existed by the way you act around me."

It was her turn to coddle him as she brought his mouth down to her and swept her tongue inside his mouth, nibbled his lips, the corners and sighed when he gave a groan. "I've had times where I wanted to beat you to an inch of your life because of all the womanizing and groping. But I always knew it wasn't in me. Though you can be so unaware of how you hurt me, I also know that you're the first to protect me and defend me."

"Sango," Miroku breathed.

She watched with dreamy eyes as Miroku pulled them up and started to pull her clothes into her lap. When she drew up short on what he was doing, he gave a short kiss to her lips. "Remember when I said the barrier can be difficult to do?"

She nodded.

"We'll it's also difficult to maintain."

Oh.

Ooohhh. "So it's down?"

"Almost. Which means will be having company quite soon."

She actually gave a childish pout that made his heart swell at her cuteness. "Don't worry Sango, will have our moment just as soon as we rid ourselves of the pesky interference."

They quickly hurried, dressing themselves back into their attire when the sound of Earth quaking had them grabbing their weaponry.

"Where is that bitch!?" A gravely voice boomed overhead and a tick worked over Sango's brow. "When I get my hands on her, she'll be too sore to even think of running from me again."

'Why that…' Sango started toward the entrance when she noticed Miroku's shoulders tense. His eyes grew dark and his hand reached into his robes to pull out an ofuda.

"Miroku?" She watched as he went toward the entrance just as the barrier crackled once before dropping down and revealing to the demon their location. Sango cringed at the sight of him. His hand went to seize her but he suddenly screeched back in pain with the ofuda on his arm.

"You bastard!" The demon seethed, finally noticing the monk's presence. "Think you can fuck with me do ya. I get what I want and I'll have that" The circular part of Miroku's staff slammed into the beast's stomach causing him to squeak out of air and double over in pain. Before he could back away, Miroku swung below, hitting him between the legs. "Oh fuck…" He squeaked like a little girl, holding his hand down toward his wounded appendage. When he caught sight of the scornful look on the monk's face, he managed out a "Why?"

Miroku's glare held nothing but venom. "Go near my woman once more and you'll be castrated then exorcised. Got it?" He snapped at the end, causing the demon to jump. The red demon bowed, nodding his understanding and Miroku finally gave a sigh. "Go."

Sango couldn't believe at how fast the demon took off.

"I guess he knew what was best for him." Sango giggled as she patted the monk's shoulder. A hand grasped her waist making her give out a squeak of her own as she was pulled up against a tight chest. Seizing her lips in a mind blowing kiss, Miroku pulled back.

"He best not look at my woman again." He winked dangerously, his lips quirking into a well known smirk that had her gulping. "Only I'm blessed with such fortune and I'm not one to share, monk or not."

Sango gave a shudder as she felt herself melt in his embrace. "Much better. Now about that moment you were talking of…"

TBC


	6. How To Sate a Peverted Monk

**10 Ways to Date a Perverted Monk**

**Rated: M (sexual content)**

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

**AN: A small series of shorts with our favorite monk and slayer battling it out…with each other.**

_**O**_

**Chapter 6 – How to Sate a Perverted Monk**

It's always a pain when during battle, you accumulate wounds. Mainly because it gives you limitations. Slayers didn't like limitations. They liked to fight to the fullest of their abilities and give their all.

Sango grumbled as she dipped the rag into the lake water then rang it free of excess water. "Stupid bear demon," she muttered. What was it with bear demons anyway? No matter where she went, who she exterminated with, always, someone would be wounded.

Today, it had been her. Miroku had tried to block the swipe but just before he could jump in front of her, the bear demon's mate came from nowhere and ran at him.

Dabbing at the wound on her thigh, she hissed when it stung, sending jolts of pain through her. She threw down the now crimson stained rag. "Damn it!"

"Sango?" She heard the sound of the monk approach from behind then sit beside her. "Are you alright?"

Of course not. Her ego took a big hit today.

"Fine." She mumbled, tying the bandage Kagome had given her and pushed down her skirts to conceal her legs.

An eyebrow went up on his face. "You don't seem it."

She simply shrugged and looked to him. "How about you? I know that demon got you pretty good on your shoulder."

Miroku smiled. "A mere scratch."

Happy that he was okay, she leaned against his uninjured side, brow pinched. "I'm still in shock that we didn't pick up on that second bear. Usually mates don't stick around during the cold seasons."

Running his hand up her arm, he pulled her closer to him and he placed his chin upon her head. "Not all mates. Some prefer to stay near their loved ones for as long as they can."

She smiled and kissed his neck. Ever since they'd become intimate, their awkwardness became a thing of the past as they broke the barriers and became lovers.

"You know," he said after a few moments had passed, "I could check that wound of yours. Make sure it's not serious."

Sango frowned. "But it's fine I-" Lips pressed against hers and she immediately returned the fierceness as she pushed him down on the ground as she climbed over top. "On second thought, I think that might be a good idea. But first, I get to check you." She whispered hotly against his ear, sending a flare of arousal down south as Miroku uttered his agreement. Content that she didn't have to fight to win, she loosened the tie at his waist, allowing his robes to slacken. Brushing her fingers along his abs, she licked her lips then dipped down to nibble at them. Miroku let out a dark, lustful chuckle as his fingers ran along her arms. She purred at his touch as her lips crushed against his jugular and her thighs clenched his waist.

Immediately she jumped back as a shot of pain went through her thigh and she mentally cursed at her clumsiness.

Miroku was already up and checking on her wound, spots of blood already staining the bandage. "Still hurts?"

She gave a slow nod. "Yes, but I'll be fine." Carefully, Miroku ran his hand along her thigh until it reached just beside her core. Biting her bottom lip, she nearly fainted with anticipation as he trailed one lone finger along the curve of her folds but never entering. Sango nearly swore out. He was torturing her!

Before she could make a notion to kick his ass if he teased her any longer, she gasped when a finger sunk into her and her head fell back, black hair fanning out behind her and on the ground like a black river. Dear Gods, that felt amazing! He moved the finger in slow, sure circular motions before pumping his thumb along her clit causing her to grip clumps of grass between her nails and fingers. When she felt herself release, her body convulsed as she trapped Miroku's finger from any movement until she fell to the ground in a heap of loose limbs.

"Feel better?" Miroku asked, a leer in his eyes at his handy work. She smiled and shook her head at the pride he had in this. And did he ever deserve it too.

"Much." She purred and sat up. Making sure not to harm her thigh again, she curled up into his lap and reached down in the monk's robes to grab him in her hand. Hard as a rock, Miroku let out a breathless laugh.

"Apparently your not completely sated."

Sango gave a heated look that said she wished to lick and devour him whole and Miroku felt himself let go a bit of himself right there. With a pump of her hand, she worked him as her teeth nipped at his neck and chest. Already, Miroku could feel the powerful release building up when Sango dropped down took him completely into her mouth. He gaped, in shock. Oh gods, he was hitting the back of her throat! She rose and slid him back again and again, her fingers massaging just at the base.

"Sango...oh gods!" With a howl, hot liquid shot from him and down his woman's throat as she swallowed it all like a pro. Her hands untangled from him as she waited until he could watch her movements. Straddling him once again, she impaled herself on him causing them both to cry out. Miroku's robes came down to his waist, showing the sight of them joined.

It felt like a fire was building once again in the pit of her stomach and Sango would be damned if she let anything extinguish it. She started to ride him, knocking her body into his as the sound of flesh hitting flesh seemed to make her even wetter until she came with a scream, Miroku following shortly behind.

Once she could breathe again, Sango laughed as she nuzzled against the monk's chin, her hand resting just at his naked waist. "Actually, I decided to sate you, Miroku."

The monk cupped her face into his hands and kissed her hard on the mouth. "You should sate me more often if it's like this."

"Well..." Sango glanced around, "we have time to kill." She let out a squeak when he threw her down onto the ground and squeezed her breasts.

Apparently, that was exactly what he'd been thinking.

...

Quiet behind the brush of bushes, Kagome nudged Inuyasha in his side as they spied on their friends. "Why can't you sate me like that?"

The hanyou snorted at that, "That's funny. I was going to ask you the same question." And earned a nice cold-cock.


End file.
